I am going to go ahead and say it, all pregnancy journeys are different however, I feel as though I take the cake on a journey that is probably unlike any other (except for maybe a few other moms pregnant in the year 2020).
We found out we were pregnant shortly after New Year's. My husband and I always go up to Mammoth Mountain with his family to get a little snowboarding in. Towards the end of the trip, I was feeling a little funky, I had a super bad migraine and hung back one day and just slept the whole day. The crazy thing is, I had a super weird vivid dream about me being pregnant and us holding a baby girl. It was super weird and me and my husband joked about it, but never really thought much of it, however when we got home I decided to take a pregnancy test and sure enough we got a positive test. We were so excited especially, because my mom was super sick at the time and I was so happy to be able to deliver her, and my family some good news.
If you follow me, I have mentioned it a few times but my mom had battled breast cancer for a few years. She beat it, got a double mastectomy and was in the clear for almost a year until we got the news that she had a tumor on her lungs. Telling her and my father was probably a moment I will never forget, because I truly think it had instilled such a fight in her, however in February it got to the point where she had to be hospitalized because her fluid build up was so bad that it dropped her hemoglobin levels dramatically.
At first, my husband and I wanted to have the gender be a surprise, however after everything that had been happening, we knew we wanted to be able to tell her the gender, as things were not looking the brightest. We were able to get the gender quicker through a blood test as they are able to see what chromosomes you are carrying in your blood. We. had our appointment set and that very day was the day that everything went downhill for my mom. She was in and out of it all day and was on a heavy dose of drugs to make her comfortable It was apparent to our family that, sadly, she wasn't going to make it much longer. Thankfully, we were able to call my doctor and she was able to give our news over the phone. I will never forget being able to go into the room and share the news with her that we were going to be having a girl. For some reason it was something that mattered so much to us, and it was amazing to know that she knew before she passed. Sadly, she passed that next morning, which has probably been one of the biggest hurdles throughout my pregnancy and life in general. In fact, we decided to take my mom's middle name Jayne, and make it our sweet baby girls middle name. Hoping that there will always be a little piece of her with us always.
You picture what things are going to be like when you give birth and as someone who was very close to my mom, you imagine her being there by your side, and just a phone call away whenever you are struggling or have a question. As I am sure most of you know, just two short weeks later America was hit with the biggest pandemic we have seen in a long time. This of course lead to school closures, and widespread panic. The toughest part about that, was something that is usually so exciting to look forward to, such as going to doctors appointments, I suddenly had to do alone as husbands and significant others are no longer able to go with you to these appointments.
Through all the hardships the first part of 2020 has given me, I am lucky to say my first trimester was thankfully a walk in the park compared to most. I didn't get sick at all, and just had a little nausea. I made sure to follow all the tips such as eating a lot of little meals, taking prenatals at night and making sure to eat a good breakfast, and frequent meals (as being hungry is what brings on the nausea) I went through a weird stage of major food aversions, and literally nothing sounded good. I even remember this time my husband cooked a wonderful chicken dinner and the thought of eating it made me want to gag. I had little to no appetite and during about weeks 10-12 I was so tired I went straight to bed after work (and actually lost almost 10 lbs). The only things I really actually ate were smoothies, fruit and cereal as they were light and one of the few things I actually felt like eating. The best was finally reaching weeks 12-14 as I finally felt like myself again and energy began to pop back up. I honestly would forget some days that I was even pregnant as I truly didn't even begin to show until week 20 where I felt completely back to normal.
Corona virus has been bittersweet for me, as I haven't had to buy any maternity clothes, and I was able to cut work early! (As a teacher that NEVER happens.) I am choosing to be thankful for the quiet time my husband and I have been able to have and how this is probably something most new parents dream of. For those that connect to my story, I feel for you! I have gotten so many messages from other moms/ moms-to-be that have also lost their mothers at such a pivotal time in their lives and it is something that is super hard to tackle. If you are struggling, like I sometimes do, know that you have someone to talk to. Some days are better than others and thinking positively helps than stressing on the things out of your control.
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